Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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