mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ketchup is God's man juice
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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