apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
