Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
