How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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