she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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