Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
