You work out of a Hotel?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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