Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
