So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
