That's when you crack a 10am beer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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