Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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