dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So squirting runs in the family.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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