my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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