I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
