She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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