I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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