They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
