Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
