Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
