i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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