Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize