lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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