It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
