Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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