Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
