I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
