at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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