THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
