Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
