you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
