Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
