if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You don't make any sense
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