I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
