I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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