I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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