Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize