fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
