I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
