Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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