my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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