Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
