All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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