WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
