Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
