I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
