1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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