i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are we still banned from the library?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
