So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
