I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
