they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
