Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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