Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
