if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
