and you said cock pushups were impossible
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
