i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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