How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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