Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He uses pillows to masturbate.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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