The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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