you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
