Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
