Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize