We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
