'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
