for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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