Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
