batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
