she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
