It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
