i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You made out with two different species that night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
