Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
