physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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