I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
